WHAT IS COURAGE

Way back when, when psychotherapist Virginia Satir was alive she had a conversation with Richard Bandler (Bandler and John Grinder are the co-founders of NLP).  One day Bandler came to Satir and said he had figured out that the strongest human instinct was "to survive."  Satir listened and when Bandler was done she chimed in.

Virginia Satir's opinion on the matter was that the strongest human instinct was "to look at the familiar."  If this is true, and for the sake of this article let's assume it is, then we have some reconciling to do.

Raymond Irving Lindquist, former pastor of the at the Hollywood Presbyterian Church in Hollywood, California is quoted as having defined courage this way - "Courage is the power to let go of the familiar."  Overall this seems to be a very workable definition.  But again, it presents a problem.

If, as Satir said, the strongest human instinct is to "look at the familiar" - And Lindquist asserts, Courage is "the power to let go of the familiar," how do we come to terms with this apparent conflict?

The answer is seemingly simple, but of course not very easy.

 THE SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM 

The reason familiarity has such a stranglehold on us is because everything we do is based on the strength and depth of a particular familiarity.  Think about the decisions made that were clearly wrong, or at least not in our best interest.

We seek validation and validate ideas and people based on familiarity.  We seek agreement and go into agreement based on familiarity.

Our loyalties develop familiarities to people and ideas.  Loyalties can be based on a number of things, but how can we develop loyalties that enrich us beyond "needing or wanting to belong?"  How can we structure a life and business through loyalties, to ideas and people, that will enable us to actually have something to show as a result of all our hard (and smart) work?"

SIMPLE:  Develop new Familiarities.

NOT EASY:  This requires us to let go of the ideas and people that we've come to spend time with.  We have to admit that the ideas and people we've tied ourselves to may need to leave our sphere of influences.  We need to adopt a whole new set of ideas to build from.  We need to leave the "bubble" of existing conditions and develop / adopt new conditions under which we can have all we want.

KEY QUESTIONS

Here are two key questions to ask, and answer, to start you on the road to "recovery."

1) What are the conditions under which this unwanted situation exists?

2) What are the conditions under which you can have all you want? 

Again, the difficulty is in letting go of the familiar when answering these questions.  Do your best to let go of the influences of the ideas and people that have enabled the present unwanted conditions.

Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

All the Best,

Scott Evans